Bedspacers: An Erotic Romance Series: Si Niko 6

SPEECHLESS. Iyon ang nangyari sa akin at that very moment. Who would expect that a straight guy like Niko would ask to kiss a guy like me. My cock swell and my balls begin to ache. Before I found the words to say, muling nagsalita si Niko.

“Am I freaking you out Dom?” pag-aalalang tanong niya.

Maybe beacause now is different compared to our encounter the morning last week the reason it felt a little awkward. “No. It’s just...” What?

Nagbaba ulit siya ng tingin sa yuping lata sa may paanan. “Alam kong lalaki ako Dom,” sabi niya pagkatapos ng ilang segundong patlang easing the sexual tension betwen us. “But I have no clue why I feel something for guys. Noong high school inassume kong part lang ng pagbibinata, a stage or a phase that I have to go through it.” Ramdam ko sa boses niya ang pag-aatubili. Ang hirap to tell something about himself na sa tingin ko ngayon pa lang niya sasabihin sa ibang tao and hear himself saying it.

“You mean you are...” Also gay? That explains the gay porn magazine underneath his bed.

Umiling siya. “Ewan ko Dom.” Huminga siya ulit ng malalim. “Basta iyong attraction na iyon na nararamdaman ko alam kong hindi dapat. Kaya ginawa ko ang lahat to dismiss the idea. Nakaya ko naman. Tuloy lang ang pakikipag-relasyon ko sa mga naging girlfriend ko hanggang ngayong college na.

“Akala ko okay na ako. Akala ko nalampasan ko na ang phase na iyon. Then one day I saw this guy. The attraction I felt for him was so intense that I don’t know what to do.”

Holy fuck! Sino ang lalaking iyon na karibal ko pa yata?

Ibinaling niyang muli ang tingin sa akin. “Bumalik na naman ako sa pagiging restless at palaging nag-iisip. Alam mo ba iyong feeling na gusto mong lapitan iyong taong gusto mo pero dahil you are hiding something inside of you kaya hindi mo magawa. Natatakot ka na baka paghinalaan ka ng ibang tao at marinig mo na sabihin nila ang isang bagay na sa sarili mo ni ayaw mong isipin? Kasi pag narinig mo sa iba parang na-confirm na totoo pala talaga?”

I felt the urge to inch myself towards him and cup his face with my palms but I didn’t. I knew the feeling. I have been there the first time I met Cedric. Tumango ako. “I know.”  Then I realized I just admit to him that I was gay.

Nagpatuloy siya. “So I tried my best to keep my feelings away and hidden from this guy. And I’m doing good on pretending. Ilang buwan na lang naman graduation na kaya naisip ko saka ko na lang iisipin ang gagawin right after school. Pero affected talaga ako and with that naapektuhan din ang pakikitungo ko kay Cherryl.”

Pero palagi kayong nagtatalik ni Cherryl, muntik ko nang maibulalas at malaman niyang hindi lang iyong last week na nakita niya ako ang unang beses na binosohan ko sila. Fuck! Buti na lang at nakapagpigil ako.

“These fast few months nagsimulang manlamig ang pakikitungo ko kay Cherryl. Highly sexually active pa naman siya kaya it has hard for her to adjust with the changes that is happening to me. Nagagawa ko lang makipag-sex sa kaniya at tigasan whenever I imagine I was doing it with this guy and not with her.”

“That is definitely unfair to her,” sabi ko. Sino ba iyang guy na iyan pwede ko bang malaman kung sino siya?

Niko nodded slowly. “Oo Dom, kaya hindi ko siya masisi kung maghanap siya ng iba. Ang hindi ko lang matanggap ay makipag-date si Cherryl sa iba habang kami pa.”

“Oh...”

“Yes. Four weeks ago he went with some guy in a motel. Nakabasa ako ng message sa cellphone niya ng detalye ng pagkikita nila noong guy kaya pinuntahan ko and na-confirm ko nga nang makasalubong ko silang magkaakbay palabas ng motel. I never said anything when he saw me. I just walked away. Nang magkita kami later, nakipag-break ako sa kaniya kahit ayaw niyang pumayag.”

So hindi lang pala simpleng tampuhan ang  nangyari gaya ng nabalitaan ko. “Pero bakit nagkabalikan kayo ulit?”

Tumahimik muna siya for few seconds as if thinking the best answer he could give me. “Humingi siya ng tawad sa akin at nakiusap na bigyan ko pa siya ng isang chance.”

“Just like that and you willingly said yes?” Nakaramdam ako ng bahagyang inis sa sagot niya. That’s un-fuckingly-believable!

“No...!” mabilis niyang sagot. “I don’t know Dom... Naguluhan ako.”

“Naguluhan?” feeling ko ako ang mas naguguluhan.

Tumango siya. “Because you confused me!”

“Me..?”

“Yes Dom. Because you are the guy I was referring to. The guy I wanted so much to be mine. At kaya ako naguluhan dahil sa nangyari sa atin last week. That morning when you surprised me. That morning na may nangyari sa atin. That morning na naging sobrang saya ko. Saya na noon ko lang naramdaman sa buong buhay ko. So happy to think that there is a greater chance that I can have you.”

Hindi ako makapag-salita. Kung high blood lang ako baka inatake na ako sa sobrang tuwang bumalot sa puso ko.

“Pero noong nasa school na ako and felt reality sets in, bigla akong natakot. Kaya nang lapitan ako ni Cherryl and ask me again to keep another try for us, I kept silent and she took the answer as a yes.”

Hindi ba pwedeng puro saya muna? Bakit pinasaya lang ako saglit ng pagkakataon tapos ilang segundo lang binawi na. Fuck! Kagaya din siya ni Cedric, the biggest closet case ever. The type of guy I swear to myself never have to do anything with. “Why do you have to tell me this Niko?”

Umisod siya sa akin hanggang magdikit ang aming mga hita. “Dahil alam kong gusto may gusto ka rin sa akin Dom the way I do.”

I felt the heat of his skin on his thighs short-circuting the heat on mine making me want to press the skin harder at the point of contact. “Oh really? Hindi mo ba naisip na what if gawa lang ng libog ang nangyari sa atin? That it’s just a one-time thing?” Ibinaling ko ang tingin sa kalapit na poste.

No it’s not! Liar!

Naramdaman ko ang mainit niyang hintuturo na dumikit sa aking baba and move to force me look at him directly in the eyes.  Nalungkot ako nang tumango siya. Nalungkot ako at baka napaniwala ko siya at nainis ako kung bakit iyon ang nasabi ko. “Probably yes not until I saw you that same afternoon.”

Fuck! Did he see through me? Naramdaman ba niya iyong disappointment at pagkainis ko nang makita ko sa Cherryl at nawala lahat ng pag-asa kong mangyari pa ang sinabi niya nang umagang iyon na buong maghapong laman ng utak ko?

“I saw the deepest longing in your eyes the same I do have whenever I look at my eyes in the mirror and only think about you.” Kinuha niya ang kanang kamay ko at ikinulong sa mga palad niya. “I made a promise bago ako umalis that morning at alam kong umasa ka na tuparin ko ıyon the same way I did fuckingly want to do it. I’m sorry that I hurt you. It’s the least thing I ever want to do.”

Gusto kong matuwa sa narinig kong sinabi niya at the same time para akong magpa-panic as I felt myself about to give in to him. I like him that I feel pain inside of me when I don’t know what to do about it. Naalala ko si Cedric, ang girlfriend niya na niloloko niya during those times, habang nagbubulag-bulagan ako just to have him with me. All the pain that failed relationship caused me and now surrendering to Niko is just like letting history repeating itself.

Then I felt his palms cupped my cheeks, his heated breathing brushing my face making me feel shivers all over my body. Again I see lust sparkle in those beautıful eyes and found myself turning a bit to face him. Bumaba ang tingin ko sa kaniyang mga labi and then felt everything around us suddenly stop, fading slowly.

Nagtanong na siya kanina kung pwede ba niya akong halikan. I knew the answer inside my heart kahit hindi ko pa iyon isatinig. So I found my left hand gripping his biceps and the right palm on his neck feeling the heat on his skin. Nagpikit ako ng mga mata hanggang maramdaman kong bumaba ang kaniyang mga labi, banayad na lumapat sa akin. He was so manly so I was surprised that his lips are so amazingly soft against mine.

I felt the urge to bite his lower lip but when I opened my mouth, he let his tounge inside me. I felt my head begin to spin. It was not like this with Cedric. Hindi ganito katindi na automatikong iginalaw ko ang aking dila para salubungin ang sa kaniya. Hindi ganito na I let him probed everywhere, every fucking recesses inside my mouth and I loved it.

Tumigil lang si Niko saglit nang mapa-ungol na ako at kailangan muna naming huminga. Pero saglit lang iyon dahil hiınalikan niya akong muli and I sucked his tounge feeling the need for it and the want to taste it. He claimed my mouth passionately as my whole body became pliant and my chest pressed into his, his right hand descended and rested on the nape of my neck, fıngers raking on my hair feeling the softness of every strands.

Kinagat ko ng marahan ang pang-ibabang labi niya nang magsimulang humiwalay sa pagkakahinang ang aming mga labi. Parehas naghahabol ang mga hininga. Both our cocks rock hard and straining against the cloth of our pants.

As our breathing normalize he said in a voice that is full of love and sincerety, “I like you Dom...a lot.”

Hindi ako umimik kahit gusto na ng puso kong sabihin sa kaniya na gusto ko rin siya or mas tamang sabihing I love him. And then I thought of the complications ahead of us if we step forward. Umiling ako. “Pero may girlfriend ka.”

Umiling siya as if he sense I was about to dump him. “I never said yes.” Ang pakikipagbalikan niya kay Cherryl ang tinutukoy niya.

“But you never said no-,” sabi ko na napalakas kumpara sa tonong nasa isip ko. “- and what is worst is you let her assume that it was a yes.”

Hindi siya umimik as I withdrew myself to his touch. “I think it’s best for us to get back home,” sabi kong tumayo. Naramdaman ko ang bigat sa buong katawan ko. My body is aching to be pressed against him forever. My heart wants to stay and spend the night with him. Pero nanaig ang isip ko, nanaig ang takot na muling maulit ang sakit na naranasan ko loving Cedric.

Ipinasok ko ang kamay sa harapan ng aking pantalon para ayusin ang aking matigas pa ring tarugo. Never even have a clue how to soften it as I started walking away from Niko.

***

LAMPAS ALA-UNA NA ng madaling araw pero hindi pa rin ako makatulog. Idagdag pa ang mahinang pagharok ni Jeff sa pagkakatulog ng mahimbing na naa-amplify dahil sa sobrang tahimik ng paligid at sa emptiness na nararamdaman ko sa loob ng aking dibdib. Idagdag na rin ang bahagyang liwanag galing sa labas na tumatagos sa bintana papasok ng silid. At ang pinakamatinding dapat idagdag na rason ay ang tarugo kong ayaw lumambot and partly blaming me for the reason.

Nagsisimula ng sumakit ang ulo ko sa kakaisip kung tama ba o mali ang naging reaksiyon ko kay Niko. Fuck! Bakit ba kailangang maging komplikado ang pag-ibig?

Nalaman ko na hindi lang pala ako ang nag-iisang mulat pa rin nang marinig kong marahang bumukas ang pinto ng kwarto at pagbalikwas ko, nakita ko si Niko na pumasok at papalapit sa akin.

“Dom, you’re still awake?” sabi niya sa mahinang tinig. Hubad baro na siya ngayon at tanging boxer shorts lang ang suot na napansin kong nakaangat ng bahagya ang harapan.

Amoy ng fresh soap ang kumalat sa paligid galing sa kaniyang katawan showing slight shadows from his pecks and abs sa pagtama ng bahagyang liwanag galing sa bintana. Prominente din ang manipis na balahibo sa ilalim ng kaniyang pusod that I find myself staring and feeling the urge to touch it.

Fuck Niko, you are a torture for my steely cock!

I swallowed hard but it did not help as I felt heat starting to rush all over me. Umusad ako paupo, tumalilis ang manipis na kumot revealing my shirtless body and the boxer shorts I’m wearing. He seated himself on the edge of the bed, hands crossed on his chest facing me.

“Hindi ako makatulog,” sabi niya. Hindi ko alam kung napaos ba siya o baka dahil he tried keep it low para hindi magising si Jeff. But his voice turns me on.

“Me too,” tugon ko before I even thougth about it.

“I was thinking about you.”

“Me too.” Shit! And I already out of my mind?

“I want you Dom.”

Umiling ako dahil kabaligtaran na naman ang gustong lumabas sa bibig ko. “Please Niko stop it. You don’t have any fucking idea how hard this is for me.”

Dumapo ang tingin niya sa harapan ng boxer shorts ko. “Yes I do. I can visibly see it.”

Holy fuck! Bakit tingin pa lang niya enough na para magkaroon na naman ng tent sa shorts ko. “I’m serious Niko.”

“I’m sorry Dom. Can you just let me sleep beside you. I promise I will not do anything...unless you want me to. Hindi rin ako mag-iingay para hindi magising si Jeff. At aalis din ako bago siya magising.”

Fuck! How can I say yes when I am definitely sure that I cannot promise myself to do the same?

Itutuloy